VBS - even that's sad!

Man - I'm just fighting the saddness! Last night was our Vacation Bible School meeting and I'm in charge of the crafts - Cowpoke Crafts to be exact (how cute is that name!) What makes it so sad is the past 2 years, me and Steph have worked together in crafts and I told her now I was the leader, she had to be by my side and help me out - she was the craft queen after all! Whew - it was another reality check knowing she's not there. But Jack assured me he's going to be there for me to help - and I've recruited Ryan and told him he has to help me too. It'll be another heart break when I see her grandkids sitting there making the crafts without their grandma's special attention! It's like my mom said to me today - its amazing how big the hole in the world can be when one amazing person leaves us. That hole grows bigger with each passing day!

I've got to get myself together though for tomorrow - its the junior high Lock In at church! No one wants a noping "adult" around at a fun time like that. I think it'll be good medicine for me to get with these kids and laugh. If Jordan is there, I know I'll laugh - she is the coolest kid ever! I'm looking forward to it. And then Saturday - the big day - the baby graduates! AMAZING! That's a whole other subject that I'll touch on later! The years just fly by too fast!

The Day After...

The service was yesterday. It was beautiful. Jack and the kids did such a wonderful job of expressing Steph's love. Jack stood there and said he couldnt look up as he thanked me and Ricky. Why did he feel like he had to thank us? It was our honor, privilege, and a blessing to be there for her - and him, and her family.

I think I have cried more these past 24 hours than I have over the past years and months and days! The "Finality" set it - and it has been heart breaking. At the house after the service, I see Steph everywhere and realize she's no longer there. I see the games on the floor and realize no more fun game nights laughing till our sides hurt. I see old time pictures of us in Gatlinburg and realize no more vacations enjoying our time away from everything. I hold that grandbaby and realize that she will have no idea the love her grandmother had for her. That baby has been such a blessing to me while she's been here. My heart will again break when Nina heads home and takes that bundle of love with her. It will be another part of Steph going away. It just all feels too much.

I feel like I have been so strong over the past few years and right now, I have no strength left in me. I am sapped of everything and just feel empty. I realize how much my life will change without my friend. Today, I took off work and have just sat and cried and prayed. I was looking at pictures, thinking of memories and reading cards Steph sent. Now remember - I saw her a few times a week, talked almost daily - and still, she took time to send me cards with letters and notes in them being encouraging and thanking me for being her friend. What kind of person does that? That's the person I'll miss - the one who was always thinking of everyone else. The person who touched me by touching others.

Its like I told Jack - being with her before she knew she had cancer, and hearing the news when she did find out she had this disease - its like I never really thought this day would come. Even sitting in chemo treatments with her - I never really thought of the day she wouldn't be here with us. I guess that's good I never let that enter my mind - but actually living it and feeling it now - the pain feels so much worse.

Now, I'm just praying the Lord will come touch my heart - help me fill this void and ease the pain and sadness. As Jack said in the service, Steph did tell everyone to go live - but man, Life without her is going to be so hard!

My friend is gone

Wow - she's gone. After such a battle, my dearest friend is now with her Heavenly Father. It's been truly an honor to be with her during this difficult trip and now we are left behind to await the day we will all be united again. For me, it was a blessing to be with her family as she passed and to have in my arms her youngest grandbaby. To look in this baby's face and to see the love of Steph still live on, it was amazing. The baby was just so happy that day, singing out loud and laughing and smiling. It was like she knew something that we, as "grown-ups" couldnt' understand. Her innocence had let her know how happy her Grandma was going to be. My heart breaks this little one wont know how much her Grandma loved her.

Steph had all her children surrounding her and praying - I know it was the way she wanted to leave this world. I can just picture her walking with Jesus now, telling him how much she longed to see his face, and most importantly, to hear his laugh. We always talked about that - to know our Christ has a sense of humor and to hear that laugh - it would have to make all the pain worthwhile.

Now, I feel alone. What do I do without my friend? How do I function without her? She was such a part of my every day life - whether it was talking on the phone - sharing what happened in our lives that day - going knitting together - going to all the Christian Concerts together and Praising the Lord - playing games, dinner, loving on each others kids - what do I do now? I need to truly rely on my faith and know God will find me where I am and comfort me and put my heart back together.

Again - another sock!

Here is the sock I'm doing on bigger needles - size 5's. This is the first time I've used anything bigger than a 3 and tiny yarn. It has gone alot faster - and the socks are nice and thick. They will be perfect for winter time. I thought about giving them to my brother for Christmas because he's allergic to wool, and this has no wool at all. But I'm liking them alot - soooo....yeah, I'll probably keep them myself. For notes sake - I have a big foot and my brother has a smaller foot so it's about the same size. The yarn is the Moda Dee Sassy Stripes. I would like to try some fetching gloves in this yarn. I bet they would turn out nicely with the stripes and I like the way the yarn feels. Do I hear another project in the works?

Another Sock

Here is another sock I knitted. I just LOVED these colors. This is the Opal Yarn which I love for the patterns. I am getting more sock experience and am finding that I dont like the texture as much as I do other sock yarns, but I still can't help loving it because of the patterns and colors they offer. The only thing I hate about knitting socks - once you're done with one - you have to do another one!!! Oh well - Praise the Lord I have two feet - (Find the blessing in everything!)

The other gripe I have - I hate I have such big feet (Size 9) because it is so much more knitting to do to fit these Big Foot Feet! I envy the people who have size 5 shoes - socks have to be finished in half the time!

(Note to self - think of blessings!!)

Believe

What a great weekend! The Junior High Youth went to Cincinnati - 13 kids and 4 adults. It was so much fun and the theme was "Jesus" and what we can do for God, not what God can do for us. It was so inspiring for me - as an adult there. Hopefully, these kids got alot out of it and will carry on the energy and love that they experienced there.

My Piece of Knitted Heaven

This is what I consider a piece of heaven on earth! Its my finished Brown Alpaca "Hannah Wrap". The pattern came from my LYS - it was so much fun to make. At first I was scared because in between each cable, I had to actually DROP the stitch and then pull it all the way down to create the gap in between the cables. It took me an hour and a half to pull it all the way down in each column! That was alot of work. It is beautiful and sooooo soft. I was sad I came to the end of this project.

Good church day

It was great - my nieces came to church today, as well as Juli, my sister in law! I was thrilled. It was a busy day - It was a singing Sunday for me in the Praise Team, then the twins came and I had my lesson for the youth. It was all good though. I got to hold Sophia up on the stage. Miss Personality turned out to be shy up there and didn't like looking out at the audience. I found out afterwards that Madi was the socialite in the class and Sophia was the shy one. I would have never have guessed. Now - the thing is to get them to come back next Sunday and to let Juli get up to the sermon. It'll get there!

The bad part - Steph didn't make it to church. The chemo kicked in. Plus, she did alot yesterday. We spent 3 hrs at the knitting store and we ended up going out to dinner too. She ate really good - she's got to keep that up. She's missed when she's not at church! Also the bad thing about today - Vicki's results came back positive - her cancer is back. DARN CANCER! At least her and Steph can be together at CBC.

We still know GOD IS IN CONTROL!

Vacation officially over - sniff, sniff!

It's official - its over. Vacation is gone - in a blink of an eye. We spent yesterday with Steph during chemo. Ricky had never been there before - that was an experience for him. We all tried to keep laughter flowing through those halls.

Today, I got to spend it with my daddy. We went to the IMAX to see "Riding with the World" - a cowboy/horse documentary. It was neat to watch though. My favorite part, there was a scene where 3 shephard dogs helped the cowboys round up the cattle - Go puppies! When we got home, the twins were there and I spent the whole evening with my parents and the twins - a great night! The girls were amazed that Aunt Bec actually played the piano - sound comes out of it instead of just banging on it. They probably just rather bang it.

In store for tomorrow - a trip to the Knitting Store- YIPEE!

FYI - did anyone notice on Ugly Betty the term "Cruella DeVil" used? Did I not post before my life is Ugly Betty? Just another support for that!

Halloween come and gone

Another Halloween pasted! The girls had a great time this year - even though it was rainy and cold. They had more fun passing out candy at their Yaya's house then getting it. For me, the scariest part - finding out getting my car fixed was going to cost $1,800 - SSCCRREEAAMMM!!!!!! We got to see Julie Adam's daughter for Halloween too - talk about wierd. She looks just like her mom. She's right at the age where me and Julie use to play together and it was like looking back in time. She looks exactly like Julie did. Now, the test is to see how long it takes for the girls to get through all their candy. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

A Trip to the Zoo

I got to go to the Zoo with the twins. It couldn't have been more fun! Sophia had the trick or treating thing down! Candy was the only thing on her mind! Madi wasn't too sure of the scary costumes but she wanted to see "Donkey" from Shrek. Sophia gave the grim reaper a high-five. Dad said he should be more afraid of her than she should ever been of him! :-) It's just so fun to see all the kids in costumes. I know who was the two prettiest princesses though!

Our baby isn't a baby anymore

The baby is now 18 years old! I can't believe it! I came into Lindsay's life when she was 4 - just a baby. Now, she's officially an adult- turned 18 this Saturday. Where does the time go? Looking back, I remember how small she was - how particular she was about what she wore. We had to go home and get her PJ's that were pretty because her dad's t-shirts were good enough to sleep in. Her inability to make a decision was comical - the best is her cutting her hair when she was little. What a fashion statement! Now, she's turned into the most kind hearted, beautiful young lady you can imagine. She is something to be proud of! God blessed me with this bonus-daughter!

This is my "Jazzercise" horse. I see them every day I go to class. They are always together. The black one is a minature pony and he almost stands right underneath the big horse - but they stay together. The big one looks alot like Cochese.
I see so many horses and cows on the drive - its beautiful living out in the country!

I AM UGLY BETTY!

I was cracking up last night watching Ugly Betty! First of all, she walked around all night carrying my purse - the one I call my "Hippie bag" because it's just full of different leather and suede patches. That was bad enough because she's considered to have such bad taste (hey - that purse was in the latest Glamour magazine as one of the purses to carry for this year - and I carried it LAST year - I'm so fashion forward). The ending made me laugh and cry at the same time though. Her ex sang "Beauty and the Beast" and then Betty's father said "It's her favorite movie" - I couldnt believe it! I was laughing just because of the connection AGAIN but it made me cry because it was so sweet he was singing that to her. AAAHH - I'll be Ugly Betty anyday!

This is my first pair of socks that I made. They are made of wool and I was afraid they would be really itchy and not comfortable but they actually feel pretty good. It's just amazing to me that yarn can do patterns on their own - it makes you look like you're a professional knitter.

I was always afraid the socks would be too hard but Stephanie had me do them with her and now, I think I'm up to 5 pairs now. Love doing them! I don't think people understand all the work in a knitted pair of socks. That is ALOT of stitches!

Starting anew

This is my first time blogging! I'm excited because I have an idea to show how my life goes. I am going to take pictures of things I see every day that I think are beautiful or amazing. I want to look back and see what draws my attention. Alot of it will be my knitting because it amazes me that 2 sticks (sometimes more) and a string of yarn can make something beautiful.