7 years... I wonder

 I miss you more every day Dad

Cant believe its been 7 years.

So much changes year by year & I always think what you would think about things.  If you would laugh at situations or be taken back of the differences.  

Wonder what you would have done with Baby & so sad you didnt get time with her to train her & love her like I know you would..... how you would have loved to use that new knee to get back on top of Cochese.  No one has ridden him since you dad.  I'm sure he doesnt mind. He misses you.

I wonder what you would think of the twins graduating high school - becoming adults themselves.  How proud you would be of Julie of having her own lab in Vanderbilt. I know you would you bragging.  I wonder what you would think of all the great grandkids & how many horse things you could find for them in case they were up for a visit.

I wonder how much fun you would have had to watch our dogs learn fun things & do agility & training.  How much you would have loved we finally got a Red Aussie. How you would have worked to convince us to name him Red in honor of you.   I remember one of your last visits was when Ernie was just a puppy & you said, "That is one weird looking dog".... You never minced words.  

I wonder what you would have made. All the things you would create for fun.  Something in the barn, I'm sure. Planting flowers & having every cowboy yard decoration displayed proudly.  Always making new desserts.  I havent had a Hershey Pie since you left.  I think you brought me one just one week before you left us when I was recovering from surgery.  Man, I miss that pie.  Pies made of love just taste better, ya know. 

You just got the hang of Facebook & I know you would have laughed your head off at TikTok on the daily.   I can imagine all the 3am messages to watch videos of funny things.  I can hear your laugh right now.  Ricky & I try to imitate it all the time - & sometimes, we do pretty good. You'd get a kick out of it.

I wonder about all the holidays & especially Christmas. You sure did love it - probably more than anyone in our family.  Even up to the last one, you still would smile like a kid getting their first gift.  Big ole smile - you always just got a kick out of opening things - & watching others open gifts too.  

& speaking of holidays - what would you have done with Cochese on the 4th of July.  I wonder if you would have eventually had fireworks shooting off of his back at some point LOL

  

I wonder how you would have coped when your younger brother passed away. I will say, that is one thing I am thankful you missed & didn't have to suffer through.  I know you would have been devastated.  I wonder if you ever imagined that the two of you would leave this world within 6 weeks of each other.  Could you even imagine?  We sure couldn't.

I wonder what you would have done with a global pandemic.  I wonder what you would think of the world today.  

I wonder how many road trips you would have gone on - where you would have ventured. How many people you would have found that you crossed paths with somewhere in the past - or that knew your grandfather when he was a Pastor.   You always loved finding connections with any person you met. Stranger? What is that word? I wonder how many people would have needed that human connection you always provided. 

I wonder about the missed phone calls & messages that I got every single day from you.  What shows you would want me to turn over & watch - what advice you would give - what things we would laugh over together.  Just the check ins to see what the day held.

I wonder how many times we would have pointed out 444 to each other when it popped up - & dad, it still pops up. I always wonder if you're behind it each & every time.  Regardless, we always say "HI DAD" when we see it. 

I wonder about your last day - your last few hours.... I wonder what it would have been like to have a goodbye with you - to get to hug you & tell you I love you. To hear you say it back to me one last time too.  I wonder if it would have been just too much & God knew this was the way it needed to be.

I hope you felt us next to you holding your hand.  I wonder if you could hear us.  I hope you could sense all the family that came by & sat next to you & sent you their love. I wonder if you heard our voice when the time came close to go..... 

I wonder what you saw & what you experienced when you did leave this world behind.  I wonder the first things you experienced.  I wonder if you could see how well you were honored at your good bye service.  How well Cochese did in saying goodbye too - yes! We got him there just like you wanted.  You got your cowboy send off & I wonder if you were laughing.

I wonder if you had any idea how much you're presence being gone left a hole. If you had any idea how many people miss you - how the impact of your life still touches so many with memories.  How everything you instilled in me still matters.  Still moves me to make decisions that would make you proud. 

I just wonder about you every single day.... & my heart misses you more than words can ever say.

I love you. Forever. With each passing year.. I love you.