Tuesday, June 19, 2018

I survived Father's Day

Well, I survived Father's Day.

I actually think I did fairly well considering that it was just one month & one day to dad passing away.

I knew when he passed away, it was going to be especially hard the following few months. It's not like its hard enough on its own.  But I also knew that June was Father's Day & July is even worse laying ahead. It's my mom & dad's anniversary & it's his birthday.  I guess there's never really a good time for dad to pass away, but man, what a tough reminder when you have Father's Day & his birthday right after.

Anyways - I did what I needed to do - stayed away from all things social media. 
I stayed off Instagram - kept away from Facebook - but did visit Twitter some throughout the day, just because you dont see a lot of pictures & it's not as personal over there as it is the other sites.

Plus, I had to post about my Queer Eye Season 2 love.... the Fab 5 helped me through the day.

Image result for queer eye season 2 tammye
Episode 1 is EVERYTHING of Season 2 - EVERYTHING!!!!!

& I also started binging Parenthood. Which could have been a big trigger to set me off, watching this family always coming together - but I really did enjoy passing the day away with the The Braverman's.

I have to say, I visited Facebook Monday morning & saw the Father's day pics still flowing in & all the happy hugs with dads everywhere... & I had to turn it back off.  I'll give it a few days to let everyone continue their celebrating... which they should. I hope if you still have your daddy around - you celebrated it up big time.  I always knew dads were a precious thing - but now?  I feel like they're a treasure & wish that people that don't care to call their dads, or visit, or send a card, or show any caring.... I wish they could know how empty the world will be without them & you'd long for Father's Day do-over.

Sorry... went down a rabbit hole.

The highlight of my weekend:
Mom learning to Click List.  
Dad did the grocery shopping for himself & mom & I had taught dad to Click List, which he loved because since they have expanded the grocery story, his poor knee couldnt handle the walk. "You know you have to walk nearly a 5k to get a gallon of milk & then go back up for bread?" .... I heard that a dozen times.  Mom isn't much for computer technology anyways - just ask everyone who has tried to call her cell phone & she has no idea how to answer it - nor hang up if you ever are talking to her. Hang on the line if you want - you'll hear probably her next hour long TV schedule playing in the background.  But she was gung-ho to learn how to order her own groceries & schedule a time for us to pick them up for her - I love this feature so much. 

Image may contain: one or more people, people sitting, screen, laptop and indoor

But mom picked up on it fast.  & she just enjoyed 'browsing' at all the food that grocery stores have now.  It really was like she was gazing down aisles.  We're just glad she's stocked up with food to last about 2 weeks now.

THAT'S HOT ... & I'm not talking Paris Hilton
We got to enjoy the heat this weekend. & not just the horrible heat from a 98 degree day.  I had spent Saturday with mom virtually all day long & got home around 8:30 to find out there was a huge outage that covered like 4 towns. 

I took my Kindle outside & read until I couldnt see any more & then went back inside & read by flashlight - no reading outside with flashlights less I want every bug in the world to come see what I'm reading.  & we waited... & waited... & waited.  Oh man. It got hot.  The dogs panting on the floor & trying not to let blankets or anything touch you is not fun.... but luckily, the electricity came on around 12:30am & sweet relief. That wasn't fun.

So yeah - I'm still healing. Still in pain from the surgery.  Got the catheter out on Thursday so glad to be able to sit a little bit better - not much - but a little bit.  Just praying praying PRAYING that this is it. The surgeon had to tell me once again that the odds of a re-occurrence are STILL HIGH. Are you kidding me?  He said he's never seen one happen so fast to the other - reminder: I had 2 surgeries in less than 6 weeks because of this. I still can't wrap my mind around it all.

But I'm still draining - which is good - I want every bit of infection out & that's the only way it can happen.  So walking around with a quarter size hole is always fun stuff.... & I'm living terrified.  Every little itch, burn, ache, any iota of pain, I'm like, ITS BACK!  MY INFECTION IS BACK.  I'm so nervous about it now.  Nope - nervous & terrified doesnt even adequately say how fearful I am of having this happen for the 3rd time. 

I just keep trying to remind myself that God has a purpose & a plan & to just be at peace about that.... but man.  I need a break. I really do.

& finally, I just wanted to thank so many of you all. I got so many texts, messages, emails - the kindest words sent to me on Father's Day of friends letting me know they were thinking of me & praying for me on my first Father's Day without my daddy.  It really meant the world to me. Every single message - they brought tears to my eyes. Happy Tears. I need more of those kind than the other that have been pouring out.

Pressing On!

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