So we're at that point.... surgery day is looming. (Thursday)
& even worse than that? Colonoscopy day today (Wednesday). So lots of fun is headed my way, huh?
I have to sit here & say once again, I am so thankful for so many praying friends that have lifted me up through the months in their thoughts & prayers.... & I can't be shy right now & not ask.... I really need your prayers right now.
I believe in praying specifically about things... so I'm just going to go over a few things that I could really appreciate being lifted up.
& honestly, if you are not a praying person, even if you just send me well wishes or do a quick summary of "God be with Rebecca Jo" - that's good enough too - God knows exactly what I need.
But I just want to lay out some specifics that I'm concerned & worried about.... so here we go....
Pray for the colonoscopy
This is something that's always nerve wrecking as well. My dad had colon cancer about 14 years back - they caught his early & was able to take care of it with surgery - so that's good. But I've not heeded to the call of early colonoscopies with a family member having colon cancer. My dad used to beg me to get these done every few years... he & my brother always would get them bi-annually together & he wanted me to join in with them. I never did. I said I know my dad is looking down so glad I'm finally getting on the jump of this. ... but please pray the results of this are all OK as well & nothing is found but a good clean vegetarian eating colon.
Pray for the surgery
Obviously, huh? .... but here's the thing. They dont really know what they are going to find until they get in there. Again, I'm going in for a fistulotomy. The goal is to go in & as my surgeon calls it, 'Fillet" the fistula open so there is no longer a tunnel there that is filling up with infection. If she's able to do this successfully, there's a 97% success rate on never having issues again. JESUS - LET IT BE!!!! .....That's the goal. BUT - if the fistula is too deep, or going into too much muscle, she won't be able to do that. .... what happens after that is she has to place a seton in - which is basically a rubber string around the fistula. Choking it to death. She will tie the fistula around it & it stays in for 6 months. All the while, I feel this string hanging out of me.... again with all the fun. And THEN, I'll have to go back into surgery in 6 months & then have ANOTHER surgery called a "flap" - I dont know the details of all that because I just can't. I told the surgeon, if we get to that point, THEN you can tell me about it.
I'm just praying the fistulotomy is a success & I just wasted the last 2 minutes typing all that out.
Also pray that they find the source of the pain in other areas. I'm totally convinced I have another abscess forming right now. I saw the surgeon last week & she couldnt see anything - but I also have the memory of being in the ER & had a doctor told me they didnt see anything & then I ended up in surgery 5 hours later when an abscess ruptured. So these things aren't easily seen - so hoping they see everything during surgery & take care of it all as well!
Pray for the pain
I am a wimp. I have no issues or shame admitting that. I dont like pain. I dont enjoy pain. & the bad thing is, I know what the pain is going to be. I've had 2 surgeries in this area already & its miserable. It's week & months of walking uncomfortable, sitting even MORE uncomfortably, having issues going to the restroom, not being able to move fast, bleeding & draining. Pain to lean over or bend over. Just pain. I'm not looking forward to it.. So please pray that the pain is minimal. Or I get tougher & can tolerate it better.
Pray for finances
It's going to be really really really tough not getting paid for the time I'm off work for two weeks. Especially when its Christmas time. I mean, just because I won't function normally doesnt mean the world doesnt keep rotating - & by rotating, I mean, bills coming in. It's moments like this that you have to cut & scrap by & make things work. I've purposely put in a lot of new hats in my Etsy store just so I could try & get a little extra income while I'm off, so we'll see how that works out. ... but pray that we dont have any unexpected expenses that can pop up & God provides.
Pray for Ricky
My poor husband has been with me in not getting any vacations or good time off work this year. He's used his time with me being a patient & he a caretaker & here we are again. He does so much at his job anyways & is exhausted & now, he'll be taking on extra work with making sure my baths are ready, tubs are cleaned, dogs are fed, laundry is done since I cant get downstairs. He'll be the one picking up dinner & making sure I have lunch when he goes back to work. Pray for patient & strength & energy for him.
Pray for the healing
I am expected to be down & out for at least 2 weeks - if everything goes OK. 2 weeks of laying in bed. That always sounds amazing when life is busy, but when its hard to lay, or you get tired of laying in the same position, 2 weeks can feel like an eternity. So please pray for comfort in that. We have our living room set up so I can get out of the bedroom every now & then & watch some Netflix in a different area to change it up - so I'm hoping that helps.
Pray for the dogs
Animal people - you'll get this. The dogs have to stay away from me for awhile while I have open wounds. I have snuggly dogs that just think their lives revolve around sleeping with & ON me. They'll be confused. Harvey is the worst with this. I always feel such 'dog mom guilt' when they aren't allowed in my bedroom or areas of the house. Time to break out more dog treats & toys & bones to keep them occupied.
Pray for success
I just really need a win here. I've been fighting this pain since April... again, all because of a stupid sneeze. Dear Lord. Only me. ... but I need to feel like life can be normal again. That I can do things without thinking of how long I need to sit, stand, walk. I need to get back to working out & feeling healthy again. I WANT so badly to get back to running - never thought I'd say that.
I just miss me. That's what hurts maybe the most to me. I just miss feeling like myself.
... & I get it, there is so much more worse things in this world & in the grand scheme of things, this is NOTHING. There are people fighting for their life today - not a little surgery that keeps you down for 2 weeks & makes you uncomfortable for a few months. I do totally realize this.... & I try to cling to perspective on these things.
Thanks so much again everyone.... I'm not sure how my blogging is going to look over the next few days/weeks.
I'm not sure what my Thankful Thursday is going to look like... I may try & get a post up this week - & I'm not sure if I'll be able to sit up to type a post next week.... but please keep posting. I will be able to make blog rounds on my tablet (I can do that laying in bed) so I would love to see you all still posting these. I'm really hoping to, if anything, get the link up posted here so you all can link back with me :) ....
But if you want an update on anything, feel free to message me on Instagram or Facebook - Ricky will have my phone & can send you any info you need.
.... so ... here we go......
Clinging to this song through the next few weeks....