Tuesday, April 15, 2014

What to do... what to do...

Here we are... at race week...

I can't believe it.

This Saturday is the Kentucky Derby Marathon/miniMarathon ... & I'm registered.

If anyone remembers last year, you'll remember that I trained, was prepared for the race & then 4 days before the race, my back pain went into OVER DRIVE & I couldn't even move.  I literally laid in my bed throwing a fit arguing with Ricky that I could STILL DO IT... knowing I really couldn't... & ended up not standing at the start line.

If you didn't read it, or remember it (I actually re-read it & forgot some of the things)... check it out right HERE

& here we are a year later... & I'm nervous & not sure how its going to work out.

First of all, I STILL have back pain.  It comes & goes, some days being extreme, some days being bearable, some days no issues at all.... but when I run, its always there as a thorn in my side.

Second, I'm running at the heaviest I've ever been in my life... which is so freaking depressing I could just break down, run into a corner & cry thinking about it.  Actually, I break down & cry about it every morning when I get dressed & have to debate on what to wear with my wardrobe getting slimmer & slimmer in choices.  I've been to doctors that don't understand why my weight has creeped on so fast & my wonderful insurance doesn't pay for a nutritionist, so I just keep on moving & imagine what my weight would be if I DIDN'T work out 6 days a week... where's that corner to cry in again...

This is how I feel when I see people who work out 30 minutes a day for 1 or 2 days
... & eat whatever they want..
& look like Miss America

Third, I haven't been able to train like I usually do the past 2 weeks.  With a wedding & a conference, I've missed my last 2 long runs.  Thankfully, that's my taper & the miles are coming down, & its not like I was home sitting on my butt not doing anything - I was constantly moving (jumping & dancing if you count the concert Saturday) - but when I don't do my training plan, I get nervous.

Fourth, with the back & the weight & the always no-need-to-even-metion knee problems, I'm slower then ever.  I have been doing a walk/run method to keep my back in check.  I still am getting the miles in, but its SLOW... & I think my time for this half marathon will go on record as the 2nd to worst time ever.  At least I hope its not the WORST... that goes for my first year of doing the half marathon where I wasn't prepared at all... & nearly died.  Good times.

Fifth, this race is the day before Easter.... who is the idiot that moved it up a week & did that?  I am in a skit at church for Easter & we're practicing on Saturday - 3 hours AFTER the race & then I'll be doing this skit twice on Sunday.  Its a physical skit too... & I'll be screaming inside for soreness & pain.  More good times.

So yeah, the race is Saturday & I'm nervous & not feeling strong about it, not feeling prepared...

Ricky is trying to talk me into not bothering with it.  Sleep in.  Enjoy the weekend.  After all, I still have about 250 pictures to edit.  Just relax & do that...

But I feel like I have to try... see what I can do....right? 

Life is about challenging yourself & seeing how well you step up to face these things that want to back me down...right?

& I'm not going into this ignorant.  I actually have a game plan with Ricky to meet me at mile 7 - a little over half way... & if my back is in extreme pain or I just feel like death is chasing me down the road, I have no problem stepping out & jumping in the car with him.

I have a DNS (did not start) last year.... why not add a DNF (did not finish)...

It doesn't hurt me like it did last year...

So wish me luck... I'm nervous... not sure what the day will hold... honestly still debating if I'll make it to the start line again...

Whatever happens, I've learned a lot about myself in the training, in the process... that's what its all about anyways.


  1. I applaud you for even thinking about it. I'm trying to work myself up for a 5K not a half marathon.

  2. Sending you a big ol' hug across the interwebs, friend! :)

  3. whatever choice you make, you are CELEBRATED by your God and your friends!!!

  4. BIG hugs to you, girl! You're a beautiful woman no matter WHAT size you are! :) Sorry your back has been bothering you. So frustrating. :/

  5. Do you think you'll feel better not doing it after it's over, or do you think you'll wish you had just done it? I know it's hard to tell the future, but sometimes when I'm trying to make a decision I try and ask myself that :) Wishing you lots of luck & minimal pain!

  6. You are such an inspiration...I hope you know that! Shoot, you make me feel like I could run an ultra-marathon! Boy, that would be a stretch! I say just follow what your heart tells you to do. If anyone can pull this off...it's YOU!

  7. Praying that you will make the decision that is right for you, dear one.

  8. Wishing you a pain-free race day! It is awesome that you have trained even through the challenges!


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