Sleep? What's sleep?

 I used to be a gal who could sleep through anything! ANY... THING!

There's stories y'all... big stories. Of big loud noises, of earth shattering noises, of people trying to wake me up... ya girl? Not even phased by it.

Those were the wonderful restful days of long ago.

Since going through perimenopause, sleep has become a frenemy.

First, I start nearly ever evening with a panic attack. Perfect for restful recharging, right?

Seriously though... I'll be tired, ready to doze off & I turn the TV off, or turn off the light & close a book & as soon as I close my eyes & roll over with the blanket nicely tucked up under my chin 

BAM!

Pure on panic attack. 

I feel like I can't breath - I feel like I'm dying - imagine what it feels like to die - pretty much am reassured that THIS is indeed what it feels like to die. 
Well - needless to say, my eyes are immediately as big as plate saucers & I'm sitting up in bed trying to get my breath.

Every..... night.....

I've been trying all the tricks to go to sleep. Nothing helps.

I end up turning the TV back on & I end up putting it on a baking show. Doesnt matter which one - just any baking show.  Give me all the Great British Bake off's - I also have Discovery+ with no commercials so I can watch everything on Food Network without pause.

This is my lullaby. 

Poor Ricky... he says how he hears all the baking stuff throughout the night. I try to keep it low... but I need the sweet sounds of "Soggy bottoms" to get me drifting off.

THEN... when I get to sleep - its inevitable that our old gal, Zoe has to go potty.  Of course she does. Its usually when a downpour of rain is coming in too.

EXAMPLE - just last night - she needed to go out - in a storm... & I put on my sweater & tennis shoes - yes, that I keep at the ready because this is my life.  I go out in the rain & MUD PUDDLES everywhere! & of course, what do I do - slide in it like I'm going for home.  Sure - because who doesnt want to slide into a mud puddle at 1am.

... .sigh....

I finally get her to sleep... turn on another episode of Kids Baking Championship because the sounds of kids freaking out over their (insert any desert I'll never be adult enough to make) & I'm drifting off again.

ONLY to be waken up with a nightmare.  Last night, I woke up & sat up & was like, that was the worst dream ever. I dreamt my dad has died. .... seriously... that is what I sat up & thought.

& then I realized... wait, he really did pass away. Like nearly 5 years ago.  

It was the most surreal thing ever.  Sure - let's bring on another panic attack at the realization that my dad has been gone nearly 5 years.

& by this point, its nearing 3 am... just in time to drift back to sleep to hear Ricky's 4 am alarm clock.

Oh, & dont forget the Aussies having their whimpers to go out because its muddy out  - we mentioned this right - so the doggie door is on.  Ernie hears every coyote cry outside & wants to go outside & sing the song of his people with them.

Needless to say.... if you see me & I have dark bags under my eyes ... & I'm drifting off... & I look like a train ran over me... know I'm doing my best on 4 hours (if I'm lucky) of sleep.

Are you a good sleeper?

Do you have a bedtime routine?

What wakes you up through the night?

Has your sleep changed through the years?