The baby is.....

I DONT KNOW!!! Today, we find out what our grand baby is going to be. We are all so excited! Its not easy to find alot of neutral things out there so Nanny & Pappy (me & Ricky) will be thrilled to finally know what sex to shop for! More importantly, it'll be good to make sure the baby is coming along healthy and perfect - all fingers & toes and all that good stuff! The appointment is early this morning but darn Texas time is an hour behind. Lift up a prayer for this baby, & mommy Julie & daddy Steve as they get to experience a great day today! I'll let you know what the baby is as soon as I find out! (My money's on a boy!)

Prince William & Harry

Did anyone see the special with Prince William & Prince Harry speaking for the first time together? I was so anxious to watch it. Why? I guess because I have seen these two men since they've been born. My mom woke me up the morning Charles & Diana got married. It was around 4:30 am & my mom told me "This is history". I can remember sitting in mom's bed watching this with the eyes of every little girl imagining her wedding day. Watching William being born & him crawling in front of the camera, & then later, the "spare" Harry coming into the world. We did watch them grow up. Then the tragedy of their mom dying & we watched them grieve following their mom's casket. How could anyone's heart not break seeing the card that said "Mummy" on her basket amid her favorite flowers? It's wild to see them as grown men now & to think how much time has gone by. Why the obsession with them? Could you imagine if your life was in the public spotlight all the time - everything you did - every mistake you made? I feel so badly when people are so judgemental of them. Wouldnt it be a different story if the people who judged, if their lives were put on the front page of papers? Like they said in the interview last night - they didn't ask for this - they were born into it. The most impressing thing for me - the thing that shows these boys do have a level head - they were most thrilled that they have a roof over their head. Now, they live in a palace, and they're happy they have shelter. Matt Lauer had said that they must have learned that from their mother - after seeing so many who dont have the privliges they have - they understand the blessings they have, even in its simpliest form. Wouldnt their mom be so proud? I guess I'll always be protective of these boys in some sense. The world loved their mom - why wouldnt they love these boys?

And if there was any way I could, I'd let them know I have 2 more daughters that aren't married that would be perfect for them (Holla!)

You Are Holy!

That's always been one of my favorite songs. I think I hounded Barry for MONTHS to get this song back in circulation for the Band. Its awesome to hear the men and women singing different lines but coming together at the end - its awesome! This song has a whole new meaning with it.

On Mother's Day, Steph was pretty much bed-ridden. Julie McDill & her friend Tim has stopped by & him being a worship minister, had brought his guitar. He was singing praises to our Lord which Steph loved more than anything! He asked for a request - "You are Holy!" was requested by all. Next thing, there was at least 15-20 people in the room singing this song with all the reverence to our Lord that could be had! Steph lit up the room with the joy she had for the Lord. Here she was struggling for breath and strength to move - and she sat up, propped her arm on the hospital tray and raised her hand to worship God, along with a foot hanging over the bed tapping her toe to the beat. We got done - had so much fun - her next request "Again!" - so once again, we sang to the top of our lungs. It may not have been the best sounding "technical" song ever heard - but I know God felt our praise for Him and the love we were sending to Steph singing in her room.

Move forward to this past Sunday - the words come on the screen and the music starts. "You are Holy" strummed out of the guitar. I looked at Ricky - Amber looked down the aisle to Ryan - Rollie and Jack just stared forward. The words couldn't come for any of us. Tears came instead. I know in my mind, I was reliving singing this song with my friend - I can imagine the images that were going through the kids heads at that moment.

One song brought 6 people to their knees Sunday - all with memories of a wonderful friend, wife, mother who meant to much to us all.

Fathers Day!

A day to celebrate our Father's! I got to take my dad to dinner & give him a few gifts that put a smile on his face. I always love spending time with my parents. I do feel blessed I have both my parents still here with me. Ricky misses his dad more than ever on Father's Day. He's been gone 17 years now. I can't imagine my life without either one of my parents. A life lesson I can put off learning about. I had to remind the girls in jr. high youth though that its always good to remember that our Heavenly Father is always to be celebrated - not just on Father's Day - and because He is our Father - what does that make us? Oh yeah - a PRINCESS, since our Father is the King of Kings! How can that not make us smile!

Ricky got to spend time with Lindsay who came over and made his favorite - no bake oatmeal cookies. I can see the traces of him in her all the time - especially when me and her got talking and I said, "Whats that sound" and she took off running to the oven forgetting she had butter on melting - (it was boiling) - yes, I saw Ricky and his ADD in that moment. There is a little bit of him in all 3 girls. Alaina and Julie gave their dad a ring on the phone since they're both out of towner's and it made his day to hear from all 3 of his babies. He had the best Fathers Day though because he got to see "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" last night with Lindsay. A super hero movie - nothing can make a day better for him!

So I hope all the dads out there felt honored and enjoyed their day. I know I love and appreciate my dad for everything he's done for me - always making me feel like his baby girl no matter what age I am. Always treating me like the Princess!

Gotta love Comedy!

I'm so excited! The new season of "Last Comic Standing" has started. I dont know why I'm excited because every year, my favorite doesn't win - but at least I get laughs throughout the season. I liked that the judges kicked out alot of the people that had the raunchy, tasteless jokes! Why do people feel like they have to make jokes dirty or curse in them to make them funny? One of the funnest nights I ever had was a Christian Comedy Concert with Mark Lowry and Chonda Pierce with a bunch of other comedians. Me & Ricky took my parents & we had front row, center seats. There is just nothing like laughter! There's nothing like watching your parents laugh so hard too! We left with stomachs literally aching! All clean, good, FUNNY jokes! I was raised in a Baptist church so to hear jokes about different demoniations and have a room full of God-loving people laughing ALONG with it - Too much fun!

I'm an easy "laugh-er" & its funny because it takes ALOT to get Ricky to really get a gut-laugh. But its amazing when something strikes him & he gets those Gut-aching/tear-stained-cheek laughs. Isn't it funny how God gives us all different senses of humor? I can laugh till I'm screaming & look at Ricky & hear him say, "Is wasn't that funny" - ahhh, opposite attract!.

I truly love to laugh more than anything! So I'll be watching this season & trying to find the funniest again this year - & then jinx them by liking them - that means they wont win!

4 weeks = 1 month

Wow - its 4 weeks ago today Steph left us. Sometimes it feels like forever & other days it feels like yesterday. I did the other day what everyone said I would do....in the mail came a new knitting magazine that I just subscribed to. When I pulled it out of the box, the first thing that popped in my mind, "Alright, new patterns, I have to call Steph & tell her it came in" - man, that stopped me right in my tracks. I just wanted to throw the magazine away after that. Ricky did the same thing, wanting to call Steph when he saw John Elway on a TV show. (Steph ADORED her Bronco's!) Life is not the same without her! I so wish I saved a message on my answering machine just so I could hear her voice every day! I'm so mad I deleted them. You dont realize how significant little things can mean until its too late.

Me & Nina were talking the other night & we were laughing that Steph couldnt be bothered with knitting magazines or John Elway news because she was too busy walking & talking with Jesus! Oh, what a image! I can just picture her laughing with Jesus & the conversations they must be having!

Jack went out to dinner with us this past weekend & he was telling us how we were the "Fantastic Four". We had so much fun together over the years! Vacations, concerts, dinners, family gatherings, just hanging out, game nights.....oh the memories. Praise the Lord that we have memories to carry us through the rough moments! So many wonderful memories - nothing can ever replace that.

I miss you dear friend!

80's rock!

I popped in my CD that I put together a few years ago & I love how it transports me back in time. It is all songs from when I was a teenager - the great 80's! See if you remember any of these, even heard any of these.

• "Teenage Love"- Slick Rick - Now I'm not a huge fan of rap, but rap then is NOT what rap is now! It completely describes the whole "drama" of being a teenager in love!
• "Arms of Orion" - Prince & Sheena Easton - it was the love song from the original Batman movie with Michael Keaton. Anyone remember it? Its great!
• "Girlfriend" - Pebbles - Oh yeah, driving around on Friday night with Stephanie screaming to the top of our lungs - GOOD TIMES
• "Don't Give Up" - Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush - Kate Bush's voice is hauntingly beautiful in this!
• "As We Lay" - Shirley Murdock - a song about adultery - dont know why I liked it - but I did - another one of those Me & Steph screaming/singing songs
• "Without You" - Motley Crue - how can you have the 80's without a Crue song? This is memories of meeting Jeff on Spring Break at Myrtle Beach.
• "How Could It Be" - Eddie Murphy - YES, Eddie Murphy - & if you havent heard it - it is AWESOME! A Love ballad that was actually on Side B of "Party All the Time" - but then you even have to remember little single albums with a Side B on them!
• "Cry to Me" - from Dirty Dancing - you all know the scene - Loved it! I even went to the Dirty Dancing Concert when it toured - how sad is that! (Front row by the way!)
• "Poison" - Bel Biv Devoe - I Defy anyone to NOT dance when this starts - its a great booty-shaker song!

I do know for a fact that most of these are on You Tube - what's better than an 80's song - an 80's video! They dont make them like they use to!........aahhh, memories!

My poor hands!

Ohhhh! I've got to do something about my poor aching hands! ......... For those who dont know, Steph started on a blanket for Amber before she passed away. We were out yarn shopping one day & she came across this yarn that was exactly like the yarn she made Amber a baby blanket out of when she was born. Over the years, the blanket has gotten misplaced - so when Steph found this yarn, she bought all they had & was determined to make her an adult "baby" blanket. It is so soft, its like working with cotton candy - its even similar in the colors - with white, pink and blue speckled throughout. Steph knew she wasn't going to be able to finish it so she had me promise I would finish this. I promised. So I've been working on it and my poor hands are reaping the consequences. A baby blanket or a small project is easy - they get finished quickly. An adult size blanket - whew - its work. Steph taught me to crochet before we knitted & I crocheted a blanket for our bed - it took me about 3 years to finish!!!! (SERIOUSLY) I cant wait 3 years to get this done. I am half way finished - I have 2 1/2 skeins left. I gave my hand a break during the weekend so I think I may be ready to get started again.

I have it marked where Steph finished on it - I want to run a ribbon through it so Amber can keep that part up by her heart - that's the last thing she was working on - even working on it up until Mother's Day - 4 days before she passed....... I'll definately post a picture when its finished - the "cotton candy comfort" ....... Cheer me on to that last stitch!

Who knew...

Who knew a 25 cent ball could be so much fun?

Me and Lindsay went into Old Navy while Ricky had to run in Best Buy. We were dress shopping and found the machine that had little bouncy balls for a quarter. Now, these werent the average bouncy balls - they were pretty large - meaning better change of grabbing it when you bounce it. We each pulled out 2 quarters and got 2 each - with me knowing I'd have to give one of mine up to my husband. We couldnt stop bouncing them! Even in line waiting to check out - we had contests of bouncing both at the same time. A little girl in line stared at us in amazement. I wanted to tell her - "they're only a quarter". We caught up with Ricky who immediately asked where his was at - hence, giving up one of mine (ahh, that's love) and the 3 of us were bouncing our way through Best Buy and the parking lot to the car.

Later, at the evening Thrive service at church - how ironic is this - the stage was decorated in balls with a lesson about a man and his son wanting a ball and not being able to have it. There was the 3 of us sitting in the back pew bouncing and throwing our balls the whole time. THEN, during the music, Lindsay dropped hers and it rolled under the pews. The next few scenes were something out of "I LOVE LUCY"! We were under the pews with a cell phone for light trying to find this ball. I have to admit - I have not laughed that hard in the past few months! I had tears running down my face and my stomach hurt - the best kind of laughter there is! On a side note - we did get the ball back! And the best note of all - at the end of the service, they threw BALLS OUT TO EVERYONE!!!

Who knew 25 cents could provide so much entertainment!?

Another Small Group Question

Our small group questions are still ringing in my mind - here's another that really peaked my interest.......... Did God create "evil" if He created everything? Does God love Satan? Meaning, isn't God suppose to love everyone no matter what - so does that apply to Satan? There's something to wrap your brain around and think about for awhile.

Small Group

Last night was our first small group meeting without Steph. WIERD! It was nice to be back with these people, enjoying dinner, laughing and having some great discussions! Were dinasours on the Ark? Was Jesus with God from the beginning? How Satan tried to ruin the lineage of Christ. Some really good stuff I never even thought of before.
What got me though throughout the night - I'm watching Bridget and Carol and their "inside jokes" and talking about going shopping earlier in the afternoon together and just their looks at each other that could make them laugh. That's where it hurts - that was me and my buddy. I see all these friends together and feel out in left field somewhere. Its just different with girlfriends - they get you in a way your husband can't. Ask any girl - they'll agree!
I have to say though - Ryan, Steph's baby - truly amazes me though with his knowledge of the Bible. I dont know many 21 year olds that can tell you exactly where things are said in the Bible. "Oh you want to know that? Go to Job 41 - Go to John 1:3 - Go to...." OH MY - that boy has the Spirit in him! Steph always said he'd be her little preacher!

LIVEStrong

Steph gave me & Ricky a bracelet when they first came out and had us promise we wouldnt take them off for her and her fight with cancer. We never did!

Ricky took his off the day Steph died....

I took mine off last night....

I cried.....

Baby is graduated!

Unbelievable - the baby is now out of high school! It really choked me up sitting there watching her in her cap and gown getting her diploma. It just seems like yesterday we saw Alaina walk that same stage - but the BABY - WOW - it goes so fast! I dont know why I was so emotional - maybe because the air conditioning was broke in there and it was a 90 degree day (UGG) - maybe because I was going on 2 1/2 hours sleep from the lock-in the night before and that made me, as Ricky says, "moody" - (no comment) - but mostly because I just cant believe the kids are all grown up. At dinner, Alaina and Lindsay were sitting across from us and I told them, I look at them and see 2 little girls with pigtails sitting there. I can remember Alaina not wanting to be "girly" and there she was in a dress, make up, jewelry, looking like the top model. I remember Lindsay being the prissy little one who could never make a decision - and there she sat as beautiful as ever in her dress, ready to face the world on her own - even if it is a little scary to her. At this point, I guess all you can do it let them know you love them and pray even harder for them as they get deeper into life on their own.

What I dont understand - I haven't aged a day through all this! (I dont want to EVEN hear comments on that!)

XANADU!

Can you believe this! Xanadu on Broadway! I have to tell you - I was obsessed as a child with this movie! It involved Olivia Newton-John and my other passion - skating- what could be better. Just give me some barretts with ribbons braided through them, and life was good! I use to sit with a tape recorder up to the TV and tape the songs and sing them OVER AND OVER - ask my brother - it would drive him insane! Then the cassette came out - and hello, now I'm in my 30's and technology is so great - Yes, I have the CD in my car right now. Now, It's on Broadway - who would have ever thought that was possible! I have to get to New York because I have a feeling, this isn't going to be going on a National Tour! It's just hilarious someone else besides me even liked this movie! And Yes, my big brother was tramatized by this - he just gave me the DVD a few years ago - he can't shake this movie from his brain!

If you're not familiar - I do know there are clips on You Tube!

http://xanaduonbroadway.com/

VBS - even that's sad!

Man - I'm just fighting the saddness! Last night was our Vacation Bible School meeting and I'm in charge of the crafts - Cowpoke Crafts to be exact (how cute is that name!) What makes it so sad is the past 2 years, me and Steph have worked together in crafts and I told her now I was the leader, she had to be by my side and help me out - she was the craft queen after all! Whew - it was another reality check knowing she's not there. But Jack assured me he's going to be there for me to help - and I've recruited Ryan and told him he has to help me too. It'll be another heart break when I see her grandkids sitting there making the crafts without their grandma's special attention! It's like my mom said to me today - its amazing how big the hole in the world can be when one amazing person leaves us. That hole grows bigger with each passing day!

I've got to get myself together though for tomorrow - its the junior high Lock In at church! No one wants a noping "adult" around at a fun time like that. I think it'll be good medicine for me to get with these kids and laugh. If Jordan is there, I know I'll laugh - she is the coolest kid ever! I'm looking forward to it. And then Saturday - the big day - the baby graduates! AMAZING! That's a whole other subject that I'll touch on later! The years just fly by too fast!

The Day After...

The service was yesterday. It was beautiful. Jack and the kids did such a wonderful job of expressing Steph's love. Jack stood there and said he couldnt look up as he thanked me and Ricky. Why did he feel like he had to thank us? It was our honor, privilege, and a blessing to be there for her - and him, and her family.

I think I have cried more these past 24 hours than I have over the past years and months and days! The "Finality" set it - and it has been heart breaking. At the house after the service, I see Steph everywhere and realize she's no longer there. I see the games on the floor and realize no more fun game nights laughing till our sides hurt. I see old time pictures of us in Gatlinburg and realize no more vacations enjoying our time away from everything. I hold that grandbaby and realize that she will have no idea the love her grandmother had for her. That baby has been such a blessing to me while she's been here. My heart will again break when Nina heads home and takes that bundle of love with her. It will be another part of Steph going away. It just all feels too much.

I feel like I have been so strong over the past few years and right now, I have no strength left in me. I am sapped of everything and just feel empty. I realize how much my life will change without my friend. Today, I took off work and have just sat and cried and prayed. I was looking at pictures, thinking of memories and reading cards Steph sent. Now remember - I saw her a few times a week, talked almost daily - and still, she took time to send me cards with letters and notes in them being encouraging and thanking me for being her friend. What kind of person does that? That's the person I'll miss - the one who was always thinking of everyone else. The person who touched me by touching others.

Its like I told Jack - being with her before she knew she had cancer, and hearing the news when she did find out she had this disease - its like I never really thought this day would come. Even sitting in chemo treatments with her - I never really thought of the day she wouldn't be here with us. I guess that's good I never let that enter my mind - but actually living it and feeling it now - the pain feels so much worse.

Now, I'm just praying the Lord will come touch my heart - help me fill this void and ease the pain and sadness. As Jack said in the service, Steph did tell everyone to go live - but man, Life without her is going to be so hard!

My friend is gone

Wow - she's gone. After such a battle, my dearest friend is now with her Heavenly Father. It's been truly an honor to be with her during this difficult trip and now we are left behind to await the day we will all be united again. For me, it was a blessing to be with her family as she passed and to have in my arms her youngest grandbaby. To look in this baby's face and to see the love of Steph still live on, it was amazing. The baby was just so happy that day, singing out loud and laughing and smiling. It was like she knew something that we, as "grown-ups" couldnt' understand. Her innocence had let her know how happy her Grandma was going to be. My heart breaks this little one wont know how much her Grandma loved her.

Steph had all her children surrounding her and praying - I know it was the way she wanted to leave this world. I can just picture her walking with Jesus now, telling him how much she longed to see his face, and most importantly, to hear his laugh. We always talked about that - to know our Christ has a sense of humor and to hear that laugh - it would have to make all the pain worthwhile.

Now, I feel alone. What do I do without my friend? How do I function without her? She was such a part of my every day life - whether it was talking on the phone - sharing what happened in our lives that day - going knitting together - going to all the Christian Concerts together and Praising the Lord - playing games, dinner, loving on each others kids - what do I do now? I need to truly rely on my faith and know God will find me where I am and comfort me and put my heart back together.

Again - another sock!

Here is the sock I'm doing on bigger needles - size 5's. This is the first time I've used anything bigger than a 3 and tiny yarn. It has gone alot faster - and the socks are nice and thick. They will be perfect for winter time. I thought about giving them to my brother for Christmas because he's allergic to wool, and this has no wool at all. But I'm liking them alot - soooo....yeah, I'll probably keep them myself. For notes sake - I have a big foot and my brother has a smaller foot so it's about the same size. The yarn is the Moda Dee Sassy Stripes. I would like to try some fetching gloves in this yarn. I bet they would turn out nicely with the stripes and I like the way the yarn feels. Do I hear another project in the works?

Another Sock

Here is another sock I knitted. I just LOVED these colors. This is the Opal Yarn which I love for the patterns. I am getting more sock experience and am finding that I dont like the texture as much as I do other sock yarns, but I still can't help loving it because of the patterns and colors they offer. The only thing I hate about knitting socks - once you're done with one - you have to do another one!!! Oh well - Praise the Lord I have two feet - (Find the blessing in everything!)

The other gripe I have - I hate I have such big feet (Size 9) because it is so much more knitting to do to fit these Big Foot Feet! I envy the people who have size 5 shoes - socks have to be finished in half the time!

(Note to self - think of blessings!!)

Believe

What a great weekend! The Junior High Youth went to Cincinnati - 13 kids and 4 adults. It was so much fun and the theme was "Jesus" and what we can do for God, not what God can do for us. It was so inspiring for me - as an adult there. Hopefully, these kids got alot out of it and will carry on the energy and love that they experienced there.