Everyone always talks about if you have a dream of your loved one after they pass away.
I had one dream of dad when he first passed away. It really was an amazing & incredible dream. It was mainly a dream of him bowing before a presence with a lot of glowing light & all I could see was my dad on his knees from behind. I really didnt SEE my dad. Not his face, not his features. But I did wake up with an instant feeling of need to tell my brother about it so he could draw it out - he's the artist of the family. It was just a beautiful vision of what Heaven looked like for a cowboy. I even woke up with the impression on my heart to have my brother draw what I saw & called it "Cowboy's Heaven"...
But recently, I had the first real dream of my dad.....
It was a little far out there - as most dreams are... but it felt so real... as dreams can do.
In the dream, I was at mom's house & we just got home from going to the store. We were carrying bags in & all of a sudden, the door opened, & my dad walked in.
To say we were freaked out is putting it mildly. My mom & I just stood there with our jaws dropped & no sound able to come out of our mouth.
Dad just laughed & said how hard it has been for him to get home to us. That he has been trying so hard but kept running into problem after problem.
For some reason, the fun of dreams, dad said he was stuck in Alaska without a way to get home.
Alaska???... what in the world! I have no idea where that came from.
But he kept saying, "Alm, you have my phone so I couldnt call anyone" (which mom does now have my dad's phone) & he said he didnt know anyone's number by heart (which honestly, I'd probably be the same way if my phone went missing)....
In my dream, I snuck off & called my brother & told him to get over.... & while waiting for him, we were telling dad we thought he was dead - & we had a funeral - & we buried SOMEONE.
Dad just kept telling us it wasn't him & he didnt know who we buried - & he was laughing his own laugh that just is my dad. Hearing that sound in my dream ... I cant tell you what it was like. I miss my dad's laugh so much. I have heard so many times over the years, I can imitate it pretty darn well & Ricky even says all the time, "Do your dad's laugh" & then follows up with, "Yep - that's it exactly"....
But we were telling him about the funeral & about all the cowboy things we had & how we had his horse there & dad loved every thing we told him.... but just kept telling us that he was right there - he didnt know who we had the funeral for.
Then my brother showed up & he was like us - freaked out - & so freaked out, he refused to come into the same room my dad was in because he couldnt believe it was him.
& right as I was waking up, I was standing in between both rooms telling dad to come see Tony & Tony to come see dad ....
& then the dream was over....
I just cried as soon as my eyes opened laying there in bed.
I didnt want it to end.
I wanted to still spend time with my dad.
In my dream, I saw dad's face.... I heard his laugh... I saw his limp walk with those hips of his.... I could almost swear I smelled him with the familiar smell of hay & horse on him.
... I didnt want it to end.
I have thought of that dream over & over again... & I just cry every time ... because the reality is just a nightmare....
How has it only been 4.5 months... but feel like a lifetime since I've talked to my daddy?
As hard as it is to wake up from these dreams.... I hope I still have them. Just for the ability to hold the memory near of that laugh ... that voice... feeling near to him.
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