My dad sent this to me in an email... I thought they were pretty funny... & kinda true
& of course, I add my two cents worth on some of them (in red)
* Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. (... that's when you just say "Whatever" & walk away before you dig a deeper hole for yourself)
* I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
* There is great need for a sarcasm font. (... it'd be the only font I'd use)
* How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? ...(Dont tell me to go to Pinterest either - I still cant do it)
* Was learning cursive really necessary?
* Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure
I know how to get out of my neighborhood. .... (its usually the only thing that's right though before it sends me to an empty field & says, "You have reached your destination")
* Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. ... (Some actually do - I read them & always want to know when someone dies young)
* I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
* Bad decisions make good stories.
* You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. (... usually right after lunch for me, or 8:10 am on Friday)
* Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. (... PLEASE)
* I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
* I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
* I think the freezer deserves a light as well. (... our new one has a light. I'm amazed by it)
* I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night
more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
* I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
* I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. (...I solve both by eating anyways)
* How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile
because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
* I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent
a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
* Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Jeans? Jeans never get dirty, and you
can wear them forever... (... they're too stiff after you wash them - who wants to ruin that comfy softness?)
* Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
* Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey; but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3-feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
* People who forward e-mail without deleting the tons of previous recipients should be shot and then tarred and feathered.
* The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies quit laughing!