Monday, January 09, 2012

pretty sure this is what dying feels like....

I know I've been MIA the past few days...

I've not had a good week.

Let me give you a quick update without being too boring...

I think I've never felt so close to dying in my life as the past week... & still ongoing actually...

sound like fun?

Yeah... sounds as much fun as its felt.

It started last week.  I went to the doctor because my left hand was feeling numb.  Like a pinched nerve or something, but wanted to make sure it was OK.  Especially because I looked on Google & read if its the outer 2 fingers, then it could be heart related, or a stroke waiting to happen... or carpal tunnel... but you know how it goes when you read the internet.  Its gloom & doom... better to be safe then sorry, so made the appointment.

The doctor said she thought it could be carpal tunnel... sigh of relief... but she gave me a steroid pack to help with the inflammation in my hand.  She even said it would probably help with my shoulder - DOUBLE BONUS... or so I thought...

I started taking the medicine on New Years Eve... a week ago.  That day, I ran 6 miles - felt great... no problem

I should have known how strong the medicine was right then because that same night, I couldnt sleep.  Insomnia is a side effect of the medicine.  I literally got 2 hours of sleep... felt jittery... felt weird.

But I kept taking it. 

Sunday & Monday, I felt a little odd, but I know I dont tolerate medicine well & just kept on with life.

Tuesday.... the rug was pulled out from underneath of me...

I came to work & walked up the steps to get to my office. WOOOOWWW - what happened to my legs?  They felt so weak... my body started feeling horrible.  My brain felt strange... like I couldnt focus on anything & I could pass out any minute.  It was the weirdest sensation ever...but stupid me.. I kept taking the medicine.

Wednesday... Give me strength Lord... everything kept getting worse.  I was on a downward slope to feeling 100% poopy.  Then I didnt know what to do about the medicine.  Everything I read kept telling me, DO NOT STOP TAKING A STEROID PACK or you'll have extreme effects.  But I was already feeling "extreme effects"...

I called the doctor who wasnt too friendly when she said, "If you cant tolerate it, just stop it then"... but wait?  I thought you shouldnt just stop?  I thought you had to wean off? ... "If you CANT TOLERATE it, then STOP it"... nice bed side manner there doc...

so I stop

Holy cow... break open the gates of hell on earth...

Thursday, I literally couldnt put my brain in a straight thought... And I literally couldnt walk a straight LINE... dizzy, feeling "off", & then the kicker... I lost all feelings in my hands & feet.  Ever try to walk with no feeling in your feet?  Its not fun... ever try to do ANYTHING with no feelings in your hands?  Not fun either...

on top of that, my face started going numb... couldnt feel my cheeks... my face kept feeling cold.  I was having a bit of this sensation before the medicine, but now?  Oh forget about it... it was bizzaro world.

The doctor sent me to the ER to have an MRI done....

I asked why & she said she wanted to make sure I wasnt havent strokes or had a brain tumor....

WHAT???????????  A STROKE?????????????  BRAIN TUMOR?????????????

This is what 40 feels like?

They did the MRI & sent me home...

I wake up on Friday feeling even WORSE!  How is that possible, I dont know?  I would go to bed thinking, I'll feel better in the morning, only to wake up & feel LESS of my body. 

Friday, I couldnt even stand up... my body hurt so bad that I couldnt even touch my skin.  A bath?  Felt like razor blades touching was like the worse flu ever IMAGINED!!!!....

I stayed at home in my bed all day waiting to hear the results of the MRI.

There is really nothing worse then waiting, is there?

To make a very long, even more dramatic story, LONGER... they finally called me at 5:00 pm on Friday & told me "your MRI is fine... if you're still having these problems, call us Monday & we'll set you up with a neurologist"

First of all, this will be the last time I deal with this doctor... after all this, THAT is the only explanation I get?

And as of this morning, I'm still feeling awful.

I've since read the effects of this medicine (Its called a Dexpak 10) on web sites & how it effected other people...

here's just an example I found:

"I have had chronic sinusitis for over 2 years. This drug has been my worst nightmare. Extreme heartburn, swelling all over, numbness in feet and arms, burning sensation in feet, dry/cracking skin that bleeds easily, raw feeling like a bad sunburn, extreme irritibility to the point of wanting to be violent, extreme nervousness and inability to sleep, increased appetitite but food has no taste, a drunk-like state of being, constipation and no relief from the sinus pain. I stopped the Dex-Pak 3 1/2 days early, and became worse. Swollen body has intensified, body feels bruised and tender, extreme sinus pain again. I will never take a steroid again unless it is definitely a life or death situation."

"The side effects were so severe I spent a day in the ER - thought I was having a stroke or something. Whole body numbness was unbearable. Never will take again."

"Took for poison ivy. Caused dizziness,nervousness,fatigue,numbness throughout my body, food tasted awful. Worst feeling I have ever had from taking medicine.I could not concentrate on anything. Stopped taking on day 11 of 13. I was up several times that night with vomiting and diareaha. Also had leg cramps. Will never take again! This drug should be pulled off the market!"

These are just a SMALL sample of what I've read....

at least I know I'm not alone.

But I still feel horrible...

I was up most of the night again last night.  Its like the steroid are on time release because I'll feel like I'm getting better, then BAM... my body feels like its going to sleep, I get hot, feel like I cant focus on anything & feel like I'm just plain going to die...

aint medicine great?

I hate medicine... always have... & with reactions like this, apparently, always will..

Now, I'm just waiting to see how long this medicine will stay in my system...

& I'm also waiting to see what is the medicine & what is some other issue????

.... so far, being 40 sucks...

can y'all lift up a prayer for me... I cant tell you how much I'd appreciate it....

Off to try & wake up my arm, feet, back & back of head...

...good times...


  1. You better believe you'll be in my prayers today!

  2. RJ, I was thinking about you on my walk to work this morning. Thinking that I haven't heard from you in several days. My mind stretched to remember if anyone was ill in your Family and that something may have happened. Well, I was sort of right but it was happening to you.
    So sorry about all that. What a mess! No, this is not what 40 normally feels like. I guess you're just the lucky one.
    Take care and get some rest. I'll put in your miles for you.
    Your Friend, m.
    p.s. You said "poopy". The language on this blog!

  3. Truly, steroids CAN be life-saving in some instances.

    This does not sound like the case. I feel so bad for you. And I agree, you definitely need to find a different doctor. Not sure if they have many D.O. (doctors of osteopathy) there, but they make wonderful physicians. More holistic, less likely to prescribe medications first, more attentive to their patients...that's been my experience, anyway.

  4. I cannot believe all you've been through, Rebecca...just boggles my mind! You have definitely been through the mill! I recently have had a couple of bouts of my right pinky finger going completely numb and turning white as white can be. I really haven't thought too much about it and after what you've shared, I think I'll just keep it to myself. I'm not one who likes to take meds of any kind and only will do it out of complete necessity. I'm certain I've taken that particular steriod before and can't recall having any issues from it. I sure hope and PRAY that you get to feeling much better real soon. If not, you might want to consult another doc. for a second opinion. Don't lie there and suffer too long, OK? Praying for you!

  5. But the big your shoulder better?

    (Sorry. I couldn't resist.)

    I'm so sorry that this is happening to you! How scary! And your doctor? What a nimrod. I mean honestly....what has happened with doctors now a days?

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in WILL get better.

  6. Heavenly Father, I come to you to lift up Rebecca and her health. Please be with her today. Please help the doctors find the true cause of her numbness and relieve her from all the side effects of this medicine. Lord, I ask for you to be with her as she waits for answers. Help her to trust completely in you and not be fearful of the unknown. In your name I pray these things. Amen

  7. OMG! I would definitely not go back to that dr. I changed doctors (ironically after I turned 40) when he couldn't tell me that I was having panic attacks (due to his office not making an appointment for me with a cardiologist...which turned out to be nothing). Some doctors are just crappy. My gynecologist had to be the one to figure it out and actually help me. I went through the MRI, Cardiologist, Gastroenterologist (due to IBS...thank you dr. #1), and neurologist, just to have my gyno figure it out. Hang in there! The year I turned 40 pretty much sucked, but I'm still alive and kicking almost 10 years later! Hope you start feeling better very soon!

  8. Oh man that's terrible! I think you should go see a different doctor right away - really!

    Not that this will make you feel better - but I did take a picture for you & post it on my P365 post. And NO, it's not me running :)

    P.S. the word verification is fuleg - I wonder if that's what you have?

  9. Oh girl I will pray for you right now!!

  10. PRAYING!!! OMG why do they even prescribe something like that?

  11. Oh. My. Gosh.

    Why on earth has the medication NOT been pulled from shelves? Seriously?

    Ok. Here's my advice...go to your local health food store...somewhere reputable. Purge your body of the crap that your crappy doctor gave you all because some crappy pharmaceutical rep sold it to her.

    So very sorry for what you've been going through, my friend. *hugs*

  12. Oh Jo Jo, First of all, I'm SO SORRY! I can't believe you are still dealing with all of this! You know you are in my prayers DAILY I hope you start to get some relief soon!!!

    And second? I'm so pissed at how you were treated!!! NO one should be treated like that! If that doctor were anywhere near me, I would SLAP THEM. And say "THAT WAS FOR JO JO!"

    Feel better my sweet friend! Praying!!!

  13. Dang girl. I have been wondering where you have been lately. Wish I would have known this sooner. I check FB more than blogs and have been looking for you. Saying prayers now! Hope you are feeling better soon and looking for a new doctor for sure!

    Take care and try playing Jeopary along with the TV.

  14. Wow! That's so scary! Ricky must be fit to be tied (the way men are when they can't fix something). I'm glad he's taking good care of you. I hope I never have to take a steroid again, or at least not that one!


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