Wednesday, April 19, 2017

My motivation is apparently injured....

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My next half marathon is next weekend.

I can't believe it.

I've actually lost count on which one this is... my 8th.. or 9th? Maybe my 10th?.. I get confused. I need to count my medals when I get home.

Regardless, this isn't my first rodeo.

So I know what to expect.

The thing is, the training this time has NOT been what I expect.

I know you all remember, because so many of you have been through it with me here on my blog, but I am the injury queen.  Seriously - I am.  But I'm still waiting on my sash & tiara for that.  I get instead, more KT Tape & smelly things like Icy Hot for that title.  A bonus includes a warehouse club size bottle of Aleve.

But here we are, 1 week away, & I've seemed to make it through this round injury free.  Now, don't get me wrong - everything still hurts.  My knees have been bad since I was in elementary school & I'm 45 years old. It of COURSE means everything hurts.  But my knees have hung in there this time... my low back has been stretching out well.  My bicep tendon is even playing along with just mild aching instead of miserable throbbing.  Progress.

.... I'm scared to death I just jinxed myself & my next run, I'm basically going to get hit by a MACK truck & karma will say, "you said what?"....

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What is new to me this time around though... the thing that IS injured in training.
My mind.

This time around, I just dont care.
I dont feel it.
I have no desire to run. None.

I've even told Ricky I'm not sure I'm going to do the race... the race I've been training for for 16 weeks.

I just dont care.

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Usually, I am so excited to start a half marathon training program.  It means consistency.  It means a plan is ahead of me. It means a calendar full of workouts lays on my counter for me to mark off for 16 weeks. I LOVE THAT KIND OF THING.

& I was excited to start.

But it was just a week or two into training & that stomach bug hit me... & it took me a bit to get back into the game.  & then my stomach started cramping on every run because that GI thing had my guts in literally total disarray.

& then a tooth broke in two in my mouth - or out of my mouth (makes more sense) & I had to have the rest of it cut out of my gums... & that just isn't fun to run with.

& lets not forget my latest mishap with new shoes & blisters on the bottom of my feet & a toenail that got infected.  Geez.

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Let me be sure to add that I've just not felt like running. I've gained a few pounds back (thanks Easter candy that started coming out in January)... I feel like a slug.... I'm tired all the time... my run times are just getting slower & slower....

It doesnt help that allergy season is in full force & making me feel like I'm walking under water & my head is always ready to bust & the ear stuff that comes with pollen is kicking my vertigo back into a daily battle....

& all the while, its like these things have just sucked the motivation right out of me.

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My training runs?  I do them - but usually they are done with whining & groaning & complaining.  Ask the hubs - he'll be so glad to tell you that's exactly what I've been doing the past few months.

My last words to him every day I walk out with my running shoes & ipod.... "I dont want to do this"
... but walk out the door & do it anyways.  & am grumbling the entire time about how much I hate doing this.  Sounds like fun stuff, huh?

When I tell Ricky I'm not sure I'm going to do this race, he said he knows me & I'd be too upset if I missed it so he's not going to let me.  I mean, I'm the one who has literally held myself together with tape & limped up to start lines & cried desperate tears for having to miss races.

But in all honestly, I really dont think I would care.  That's how much I've just sort of given up on this.

& truthfully, the past 2 weeks, I've not trained at all. I did the 10 mile run - which was my slowest race in the LONGEST time (which added to my motivation going downhill) - but after finishing the Triple Crown, I just didnt feel like doing anything more.  I know going into a half marathon with no long runs in tapering is going to be a bad thing.

I dont know what the deal is this year.

But let me tell you, this mind thing has been my biggest hurdle of 'injuries' I have ever dealt with in any training time.

Image result for no motivation meme

... we'll see what happens next weekend.  Will I go?  Who knows.

Anyone got a match?  If so, apparently I need it lit under my butt.  Badly... & fast.

Anyone else just loose all motivation for things they usually love?


  1. Sounds like you just might have a little bit of nervous jitters, but I think you'll do great! You're seriously the most dedicated runner I know, and you'll rock it! :)

  2. I think you should do the race only because I think you'll be upset with yourself for giving up this close to the end. Once the half marathon is over you should reevaluate WHY you like running- and if you have no passion for it anymore then hang up the sneakers and set your sights on something new :)

  3. I think you should do it and I think you're going to feel great! Think back to the accomplished feeling that you feel in your heart when you're finished with each race and that is what can motivate you!

  4. I know what you mean Becca, and sometimes that means that we don't have to do it. sometimes that needs that we do. But I'll pray for wisdom and a clear path as to whether you should do it or not. :) I've definitely had those training runs too.

  5. Oh I am so sorry. I know how you feel. It feels like everything is against you and you fear injury, but hopefully that doesn't happen. And hopefully you get some motivation to get it done. I am praying for you.

  6. I've felt like this before but I guarantee that when you walk up to that start line, you'll get your motivation/love for running back again. Of course you will then probably lose it by mile 9 or 10...haha. But then find it again after crossing the finish line and getting your medal!
    I am jealous as you know I really want to do this race some year!

  7. Well, I think you should do it too ... but only you can be the one to make the final decision. Even if you choose to walk it - you paid for that free banana! ;) But know that you have a great support system in Ricky and your blog-followers. Running mojo is so temperamental -- this might be your last race and it's TOTALLY ok if it is! You're still making healthy choices and maybe you just need a break from running and take some time to find out what motivates you again.

  8. I'm sorry to hear you aren't feeling the race. I understand Rick wanting to push you to do it but I also think we should do things that our heart is into. If you think you'll have any regrets then I would go for it! Pray about it and see where you go from there. I'm sure you'll make the right choice. Beautifully Candid

  9. I'm so sorry you've lost your mojo. Maybe it is time to take a break or maybe it's time to kick yourself in the butt. Only you will know when the time comes. Take care of yourself either way. If you decide not to, please don't beat yourself up about it. There's nothing wrong with taking a break from it for a bit. I'm sure Ricky and God will love you either way!

  10. You got this, lady! I love how supportive Ricky is, and you'll feel so accomplished once it's over.

    Meg, Borrowed Heaven

  11. That's great how supportive Ricky is! And I know how you feel. I'm not sure what is up with this year but that's how I've felt too. My training has been lackluster, I've gotten a lot slower since my PR last December, and I've had a tough time overcoming negative thoughts at both races I've had so far this year. Hopefully it's a hurdle we can both get over!

  12. oh man I know how you feel. I bet the day before and you go to pick up your race packet you'll feel the energy in the room and you'll get motivated and rock it. You got this.

  13. When something starts stealing your joy, it's time to find your joy elsewhere. I think your body and your mind just need a good rest and time to recoup. Skip this one and then see how you feel about the next one. Be kind to yourself.

  14. I am honestly so impressed with how many races you enter and race in each year!! You've done an incredible job - you should be very proud! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

  15. a few things:
    you might be injury free running wise, but that doesn't mean it was an easy training cycle. all those things you listed - getting sick, tooth issues, that can screw you up just as much as an injury.
    you still get out there and do your training runs. girl, that is awesome. this is #9 for me and i haven't been training properly, but i swear, i never do. the last half i properly trained for was in 2012. so this isn't gonna be a good race for me and i have accepted that.
    if you do it, or don't do it, whatever. do whatever you want, of course. but sometimes our brains need time off running just as much as our bodies do, and there's no point forcing it.
    either way, let me/the internet know, so i can keep an eye out for you ;)

  16. I'm late coming to the game, but hopefully you had a good weekend regardless of what you decided to do :) Sometimes running can really burn you out, and it can be good to take a break for awhile and pursue something else (it's why I started going to a bags/kickboxing class!).


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