|I look happy here... but felt like the biggest loser! & not the one's who win a million dollars & train with Bob& Jillian)|
I guess I should clarify before Anthem 5k people are knocking on my door with a lawsuit.
They are even more tops on my list because a few weeks ago, I actually won a contest they had on Facebook & ended up getting a special embroider sweat shirt & a backpack. I was thinking it was going to be one of those back packs that are just strings that they give away as swag. No way... this thing is like, let's go hike & put all the gear in here for a week & still have room & compartments to sort things! Nice!
I knew going into these races this year that I wasn't going to have amazing races.
My training has been haltered with my low back issues.
Plus, I've just been having problems catching my breath. I think it has to do with a vitamin B-12 deficiency. It just started not too long ago & reading up, Vitamin b-12, you get mainly from animal products. Well, guess what this vegetarian doesn't eat? yeah - the word 'Vegetarian' just gave it away. & no, I don't drink milk & I'm not a c-word-breakfast-food-throwing-up-now-eater
****gagging at the thought of that food now*****
The clue that really makes me think I'm having a B-12 deficiency? They say not only with shortness of breath, you also have tingling in limbs & feel like they are asleep (check) & you also have white spots on your skin where your melanin is being affected by the lack of vitamin (check).... I actually noticed white spots on my arm in the shower the other day & refused to look it up on WebMD because I thought for sure I thought it would say I had leprosy ... or cancer... or MS... or some horrible disease... there is never good news on WebMD.
So yes - I knew my racing, & my body has been effected by the change in my diet & my injury... but I still wasn't as prepared mentally as I thought I'd be.
Woke up early... well, let me rephrase that - I didn't even get good sleep the night before. I get so anxious & excited about a race. Do I have everything? I need to take pictures of everything I lay out for a race-eve preparation. I don't think I even pack that much stuff when we travel
...... yeah, those that know me just laughed because you know I don't travel.
It was 33 degrees for race time so I knew to bundle up. Long pants - with a base layer long sleeve shirt I just got on clearance at Target (Thank you Target for putting winter running gear on clearance already) & a t-shirt over that, with a light running hoodie. Gloves, head wrap, my iPod - I'm ready.
Ricky came with me on this race & he was all prepared ... even though he kept saying "Its COLD'
Now this guy works in minus zero weather & doesn't complain, but on a 33 degree day, he was cold. I think he's just never gone to work in Nike running leggings (that'd be awesome if he did)
We got down there in plenty of time to not have to rush to the starting line. We even jumped inside of the Louisville Slugger Field area so Ricky could warm up a bit.
7:50 & the crowds were starting to swarm out so we headed to our place.
I always love seeing the crowd & seeing how different people are in a race.
A guy was in front of us carrying an American Flag - like a HUGE flag that had a HUGE pole on it .... disappointed that there was only one running Elvis that I came across.... there was a guy in a suit.... I love seeing families with their kids in the crowd.
I'm such a Sport Shoe Carrie Bradshaw because I'm constantly looking at everyone's running shoes while we wait. I found one person with my same shoes & was instantly like "she's cool" :)
The "Call to the Post" (We're in Kentucky people) was blasted on the horn & we were off....
I think this is the first time I didn't hear the National Anthem.... maybe they had it & I was just too busy messing with my iPod - but at least I was behind a guy with a huge American flag.
Now, with my back, I've been training in intervals... 3:2 intervals (3 minutes walking, 2 minutes running) - I'll adjust that with the distance I'm doing. Want to get it the opposite - 3 running, 2 walking - by the time the mini gets here. Not sure how realistic that will be, but its a goal - right?
But I thought, its just a 5k, screw the interval & what I've been doing for the past 7 weeks - just run.
The first mile was great. I ran non stop, keeping a steady pace & not going out too fast. Saw some friends from church in the crowd & kept trucking along.
At about 1.60, we hit a hill & I knew I was just going to walk it - after all, I'd pushed myself more then I was used to & I didn't want to ruin my back on the first race of the season. Plus, in all honesty, I think I walk up the hills faster then I run them.
Got up the hill & ran to the next place, a water stop, which was right before mile 2.
Got to the time marker at mile 2 & saw I was doing about a 12 minute pace, which I was thrilled about.
From here on though - I don't know what happened. I felt like I was keeping a steady pace - I had slowed it down a bit just to keep it consistent & didn't want to feel horrible coming to the finish line... but I guess my pace slowed down a LOT...
I saw the finish line - the last few feet, I even put steam on my pace & got across...
But when we crossed, I knew immediately I was slower then ever.
The crowds had already thinned out in the coral to cheer people in. There was no wait to get a Gatorade after. There was a crowd around Panera though... there's always a crowd around there to snag a bagel.
This year, they had on the bib, you could scan it with your phone & get your results immediately. I did it & my jaw dropped. I knew basically what it was on my Garmin, but sometimes, it works where its a few seconds off & that always makes me happy. Not this time - my Garmin was johny-on-the-spot.
& I sucked
Confirmation that I sucked
We ran into friends that I always love talking with & this was the first 5k for my friend's wife. The husband is an old pro & he said as soon as we saw them, "She's already criticizing herself for her race"... Ricky just looked at him & said, "Yep - she is too"... I was quickly reminded that sometimes its just for fun & finishing - nothing else - no PR - no negative split - nothing to prove - just finishing!
That sounded good... until I got home...
I have a book that keeps all my racing bibs & info about the race & my times, rankings - all the stuff no one cares about but me...
I flipped through...
My first 5k that I did was this race 4 years back. Appropriate that my time this year was 4 minutes SLOWER then my first year. WHAT?
It felt like someone kicked me in the gut.
Ricky said, "Is 4 minutes that big of a deal?" - I said, "I beat my time one year by 10 SECONDS & thought it was the world! Now compare seconds to minutes & think if it's a big deal".... & then I lost it... I cried for a good 15 minutes. Just sat at the counter & cried.
Felt like I had the word "FAILURE" tattooed on my face.... I was embarrassed... I felt fat & blobby... I felt awful
Ricky, bless his heart, kept trying to reassure me all those things aren't true... & if a race that we finished, with no pains, with no injuries is a failure, then he'd hate to see what a REAL failure looks like.
I get that... but man, how hard I am on myself right now...
Funny thing? I knew going in it wasn't going to be good. I didn't really expect to pull out a surprise PR or even be close to my time... so 4 minutes really shouldn't be that awful... but it still was.
& now - I'm scared to death. I have a 10k next weekend & a 10 mile race... all before the half marathon.
I just need to keep reminding myself that I'm doing OK - if I finish - THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS. No one is looking at my time thinking any different of me... & if they do, then they're losers in my book.
The world doesn't end if I'm slower then ever.
No little puppies were kicked in the stomach if I didn't make a goal
.... everything goes on as normal.
It's just a race with my own mind....
so far I'm losing :(
This is what I'm going to keep in front of my face until I get through race season....
I need to just turn off all timers - not look at the clock - not look at the results...
just see the finish line & know I crossed it...
Let's really hope the next race recap is a lot more cheery than this hot mess of a blog post