Because my actual race recap would be crickets chirping here...
& lots of crying... I'm talking LOTSSSSSSS of crying...
I wish I could say this is stretching the truth... but this was truly me |
It started Friday.
I had intentions of doing the race. Making deals & bargains with Ricky. If I walk, he'd let me go... but then he'd say, "I know you - you won't walk"... "If you walk, you'll be sad about your time & cry & pout anyways"... it was a constant back & forth...
All I knew is I just wanted to start... I just wanted to TRY!!!
So I go down & pick up my race packet, after all, if I'm going to lay down money for a half marathon (which is not cheap) I'm going to come out of it with a tech shirt...
The whole day, I kept praying to God to just show me what to do... give me peace about it... give me one of those billboards in the sky so I would know exactly what to do. Why can't God just send messages ala Harry Potter... send some owls down here with a message on his leg, "Don't run"... "Go for it"... either one would have been appreciated.
But I get home on Friday & in the mail is this card from my sweet precious friend, Lauren
Talk about perfect timing... just a sweet little note of the top 10 reasons she thinks I'm awesome...
Its what I needed to know that my life, though built around training for 16 weeks, didn't revolve around running & this race completely...
So I went to bed with an open mind & an open heart, still praying to God to tap me on the shoulder over night. But I also went to bed with intentions of racing... I had carb'ed up, I had my equipment charged, I had the alarm set for 5:30 ...
Then 5:30 came... & I'm laying in bed & my low back is burning... well great... that's new...
& then I'm like, "God is this your sign?"... & it wasn't a pleasant question for God... I'm yelling at Him. Really? you're telling me now! When I'm ready to go?
But I knew I shouldn't race...
& the tears started...
I mean, laying in bed throwing a fit like a 3 yr old...
(that's exactly how I felt) |
Ricky kept telling me, "It's just a race"... but that's the thing. It's not just a race.
To me, it's something more. I can't even explain what it is actually - I just know it's something that I set a goal for. It's something I strived & worked for. To just casually let it go is not something that was easy for me to do.
I kept thinking of all the people at the start line that had injuries... I know I'm not the only one... but Ricky kept telling me a missing toenail is different then a back injury
... & I know he's right...
but when you're talking to a 3 yr old throwing a fit, nothing makes sense.
So I would stop crying... & then on the news, everything RACE RACE RACE... people going to the start, showing the finish line, all the excitement building....
on Facebook, all my friends showing pictures of them getting ready, pictures of the crowds...
I was loosing my freaking mind!
Then the gun went off & all the runners started. I thought someone shot me through the heart... the race just started & I wasn't there...
I couldn't bear it...
I knew that if I stayed there in bed, I'd be there all day in a pity party of all pity parties... I had to do something.
I had some poster board under a couch & I pulled it out & told Ricky, 'we're leaving' ...
He was more then willing to do ANYTHING to get me to stop crying...
I had so many friends running & I thought, the next thing I can do IS be a part of this race, just in a different way.
My neighbor was running his first half marathon - I wanted to see him...
My cousin was running her first full marathon - I wanted to cheer her on...
A running friend's wife - who has also became my friend - had trained amazingly all year long (loosing incredible weight) & was running her first half marathon - I wanted to see her dream come true...
I HAD TO BE THERE!!!!
We drive 30 minutes, weave through town & get a spot right as the runners were headed into Church Hill Downs... around mile 7.5
Ricky actually has video of me screaming... I'll spare you of that |
When we got there, it was the top runners coming through...
then, I hear my name! .... our former Worship minister was running by & came & gave me a high five .... he looked so strong & amazing!
then I see another former school mate who was running his first half marathon & he yelled, "Rebecca - why aren't you running?" ... I just yelled, "My stupid back" .. he gave me a thumbs up & kept on going
Next thing I know, I see my neighbor... & he's smiling & he's moving along fantastically! I was so excited to see him on the course looking so good! I actually got teary eyed seeing him with all the runners.
& then I saw my other friend ... & she didn't see me... went right past me. I was like "Nuh-uh" & Ricky & I started SCREAMING her name... she jerked around & saw us cheering her on!
Next up - another friend from school who is a great walker in these races... she yelled "Rebecca! Hope you're back is better" ... that made me tear up...
Then saw ANOTHER friend who ran up & gave me a hug & told me she understood how it hurt to not be running...
These people understood... & I understood them....
So I saw everyone I wanted to see (except my cousin who was lost in the crowd) ... drats...
& Ricky was like, "ready to go?"
But I couldn't tear myself away ...
I told Ricky, "I've been back here before... I know what it feels like"
I made my point to him... look around... there was no one left on the side of the road but me & Ricky.
After family members saw their loved ones, they head to the finish line to cheer them the final stretch. There are no more horns, no more posters, no more hootin' & hollerin' ... just empty streets with walkers & runners who are struggling... I've been there...
I wasn't leaving...
Ricky made himself comfy in a chair & pulled up Netflix & watched Spiderman...
Me? My voice was scratchy from pulling EVERYONE ON!!!
The attitude is so different from the people at the front of the pack, to the ones at the back.
They are the ones that its tough for...
& they were cheering ME on...
I kept hearing "Thank you for staying" ... "Thank you for coming out"... "Thank you for the sign" ... "Thank you for caring"...
I mean, people cheering ME on? That's crazy... I kept saying to them, "No, YOU are the ones doing 13.1 miles today - not me"... & it was true... my heart just screamed for them... they were doing what I couldn't do that day... no matter what time it was... they were doing it...
I'll never look at my time again the same way when I'm running again...
3 girls even came up & said, "Can we take a picture with you & the sign?"... I kinda laughed & said sure... they said, "We haven't seen any other signs anywhere because we're so far back"...
it broke my heart...but made it smile at the same time...
I was there for someone... I was the cheerleader someone needed that day
My voice was probably as loud as all these people put together! |
Ricky said, "are you ready to go now?" ... I said, "Wait - there's one more person coming"
She was slow... she was limping... she was in pain...
She got up to where we were & I asked her, "Are you ok?" .. she had tears in her eyes & she said, "I have blisters so bad on my feed I can hardly move"... I told her that medics were sitting across the street (the race was virtually over so the medics were off their bikes & drinking a coke off to the side)...
she looked at me & said, "no... I'm not stopping... I'm going to finish"
I cheered her on like no other athlete that had come through... I told her she WAS going to make it & she was doing a fantastic job...
& I realized... I'm not alone in the "heart call" of wanting to finish a race... no matter what...
we're a weird bunch of people... but we're in bundles...
of 18,000 people who cross a finish line...
So what did I learn:
1. Life goes on without a race... my day kept moving on & in the end, I felt OK about not doing it... only because I supported others. My heart was sad, but it didn't ruin me. The world keeps on moving
2. My medal shelf is less one... but that's ok...I was so happy to see pictures of my friends who did get one. They earned them. They deserved them. Instead of a medal, I have my bib that wasn't used. I told Ricky, I'm going to hang it up with my medals to remind me that I have battled my own race here
3. Cheering others on is amazing... those people who need it the most appreciate it the most...
4. I'm now ready to get my back fixed... I've got to get back in the game... this is not something I can just give up. The running community is something that is unexplained... On both sides... the people IN the races & the people OUT of the races... it's just an environment that is about support & encouragement...
5. & I will say, I'm glad to know I'm able to walk without pain in my hips & thighs & feet 2 days after the half marathon is over :) (though, I'm actually sitting here with ice on my back)
My race recap... I survived not running... which is a first for me...
Now, onto bigger & better races in my life...
At the 3-day walk, we have cheering stations set up along the route. Walkers LOVE the cheering stations (and MN is known for their cheering stations!). The race you just described--cheering on the runners and staying for the slower runners in the back? That is just like the 3-day. Those people in the back NEED that support. They NEED that encouragement. That woman with the blisters? She is probably STILL talking about you because you asked if she was OK and encouraged her to go on. I am so proud of you for doing that! You made a difference for them!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post. I believe what you did is exactly where God wanted you that day. Someone you cheered on needed just what you gave them. Way to go.
ReplyDeleteYou made me tear up several times.
God bless you today and always!
Love this post! P.S. I'm Rennay C. on Daily Mile if you don't recognize me ;) Last year I was too chicken to do the mini and cheered with some friends at 4th and Central and it was so much fun! Especially as a runner you just know what the cheers mean when you're really struggling. This year I ran and did not do well at all by my standards so I totally understand what you mean with the tears etc. You're a great person for being out there until the bitter end!
ReplyDeleteYou were there,although not quiet,but still hearing the voice of God,encouraging you to be encouraging!You were obedient to Him. What a wonderful compassionate lady you are!! This has to be my all time favorite Knit By God's Hand. Today,once again,you have made my day worth something.Thank You dear friend. <3
ReplyDeleteWOW! What an awesome story :) I've had similar experiences with swimming - and sometimes God needs to use you to cheer other people on. Hopefully you will be all healed up by the next race :) But what a wonderful lesson learned in this situation! I'm sure the blister woman will remember your cheering for a long time - as well as others who saw you cheering!
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for not running! Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do. I also say thank you for staying for those at the back!! I've been there and it is a lonely quiet place.
ReplyDeleteOh friend, you definitely won a medal.....the kind that last!!! I know how hard this is on you, from one runner to another, it is so very hard when you can't run. I don't dwell on it to much anymore, because I know in my heart, I am still a runner, even if my knees and back say different. So you hang in there, and know you are SO dearly loved!!!
ReplyDeleteMy Wife is the GREATEST love ya sweetie
ReplyDeleteWow, what a blessing you were ... and what wonderful lessons you learned from that experience. Now go get your back fixed and then run!
ReplyDeleteI was tearing up too. Maybe this is MY calling - I'm not a runner, maybe I can be a cheerer :)
ReplyDeletebrought tears to my eyes reading this - and you are so darn cute w/your hat and sneakers. Have you gone to a regular Dr. (not chiro) and received a diagnosis as to what happened to your back?
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