Monday, March 01, 2021

COVID has kicked my butt... & my lungs.... & every other part of me

 Hi world... remember me?

Let me tell you - I've missed everyone something crazy.  

What can I say, the past 2 weeks.... probably some of the roughest weeks I've had physically... a mentally... in my life.  I'm on Day 14 of my COVID journey & I'm still sitting here with a low grade temp, still coughing & still feeling like every single activity, chore, or thought, is a strain.... but I'm here.  

Where is my I SURVIVED COVID T-shirt?  Because I seriously want one.  I get metals & sweatshirts & even a bottle of water & banana at the end of running races.  Well, this has felt like a marathon... & probably more so, an ULTRA Marathon, because I'm still in it.

Let me start by saying, I knew I was going to have issues should I ever get COVID.  As someone who suffers every single day with iron deficiency anemia at a level most of you will never go through, every day is a struggle for me with fatigue & breathlessness.  To think there was a virus going around that amplies that by 100... yeah, I never wanted this.  

Which is why I did everything right. We double masked long before it was cool.  I cut out all social interactions.  I haven't been to my church in a year.  I only made trips to the grocery or Target or to pick up food to go - never eating in a restaurant where you have to take your mask down in a room full of other people with masks down... we did it all.... & still got it.  That was so frustrating.

You know Hubby is the one who was diagnosed on February 14th... & I was doing fine. I was the one who was taking care of him... at least for a few days.  By Tuesday, I knew something was wrong. I just felt.... "nervy" .... is the only way I can think of saying it.  Every move of my body, every lift of a finger, ever turn of a head, it felt like every nerve in my body was PINGING.  Exhausting me.  ... & I started to get a little cough by Tuesday night.

It was no shock on Wednesday that my test was positive.

Thursday, I felt a little weaker, my cough was getting stronger & I was just trying to muddle through working from home & taking care of Hubby the best I could... & Thursday afternoon - all the wheels fell off this train.

I was near the end of the day working & all of a sudden, it was like my eyes wanted to go to a tennis tournament or something - they started bouncing around. I couldnt focus.  I couldnt see anything either. I had black spots in my eyes & it was like I was seeing black ceiling fans spin in my eyes - I know that makes ZERO sense - but try being the one that happens to!  I freaked out. FREAKED OUT.... Hubby wanted to take me to the ER but I was so fearful of going into an ER with COVID & just wanted to lay down in a dark room.  We took my blood pressure & it was 148/110 - WHAT???? I still dont know what happened here.  I'm not convinced it wasn't like a little stroke or something. My eyes are still blurry & I need to go get my vision checked.

From here on out... everything just continued downhill....

Friday, I couldnt move.  Everything hurt.  I've never experienced uncomfortableness like that. It hurt to lay in bed. I was so weak, I needed help to even get to the restroom. My temperature was staying around 101.9.... it was just horrific.

My head literally felt like a baseball bat had hit me on the side of my temple. It hurt to even TOUCH my head.  & my face even felt swollen from it.  I was taking Tylenol every 2 hours to try & get through the misery.

& the fatigue....I honestly slept like 18 -20 hours a day. I couldnt make myself stay awake.  

It hurt  to chew. I have lived on Gatorade for a lot of days.

I never did lost  my taste or smell... which I know is weird - but I did get a WEIRD taste in my mouth. Nothing tastes right.  Even now.  Everything has a muted taste - a sort of bland taste - with a side taste of metal.  That's fun.  I think my biggest neurology issue was I got neuropathy in my hands & feet.  If you've ever experienced neuropathy, its just awful.  My hands & feet just burn &tingle.  A numb sort of feeling.  Let's just add it to the misery list.

& of course, the worst of it all... the coughing.  The breathlessness.  The gasping like a fish.  It's just the most bizarre thing because it was like someone took my lungs & put them in a dehydrator & made them like banana chips. Little crispy dried up things.  I would cough every time I breathed in & its just such an unproductive cough - so dry - like you're sucking up sand.  It was terrifying.  

Suffocating has always been a fear of mine... going through this, it is even more real now.

I honestly could not walk from my bedroom to the couch without having to lean over & GASP for air.  & you cant inhale. That's the issue. I would inhale & it just causes more coughing.  

I've  since tried to start working up my lung power but I know this is going to be something that sticks with me for a long time & has taken its toll.  Hubby walks with me up & down the drive way to try & get some of that lung capacity back.  I can only make it a few steps before I have to stop & cough & try & catch my breath.  I cant even sweep my kitchen floor.  I have been trying to straighten up where we've both been sick for 2 weeks... you can imagine my house.  But about 5 minutes of doing the most basic of things & I'm gasping & needing to sit down, feeling exhausted.

The worst thing possible happened too.... I dont know why it happened but on the day I got diagnosed with COVID, my period started.  & it lasted every single day since.  I mean, this is my biggest issue anyways - not having enough blood in my system to oxygenate my body... & I'm losing blood the entire time.  I dont know if the strain of COVID is what made my period start... & last & last & last? I dont know... but I know it couldnt have helped things.  I would be interested to see what my hemoglobin & ferritin are at right now.  Get me an emergency infusion STAT.

So.. here I am on Day 14.  I still am struggling.  I STILL have spikes in my temperature.  Yesterday, my temp was 99.9 when I woke up & hovered around 100.4 all day long... this morning, its 99.0 but I can already feel it going up.  ... my cough is still rough.  I have at least 2 big cough spells a day that  feels like I'm going to die.  My vision is still blurry. The fatigue still burns in my muscles to just walk across my house.  

COVID has kicked my butt.

All of it is very wearing.  The COVID fatigue where my brain doesnt feel like its functioning right... like I cant remember basic things some moments.  & just the mental wear.  I mean, I'm laying on my couch, feeling like I could die any minute & I'm watching on the news that 500,000 people have died of COVID ... & I get it. I understand how they felt. Because I felt like I could have died myself. 

I was too fearful of going to an ER because I thought, they'll have to put a tube down my throat & I'll never come home. It was very taxing on me emotionally.  It's surreal to go through something that you know has taken the lives of many people & you have been going through the struggle yourself... I still am.

& even more taxing is where I still hear people say, "Oh, its not that big of a deal"... "Its like a cold"... If you had COVID & you were one of the lucky asymptomatic people... please, get on your knees & give a prayer of thanks like you've never given before. You dont know how blessed you are.  But please dont EVER discount how serious COVID is.  For those who have died... for those who have struggled through it & STILL struggling through it.

I dont know if I'm going to be a "long-hauler" with issues that last for a long time with my vision & the neuropathy & the cough with the lung issues... I just know am not the same person today that I was 2 weeks ago.  Physically & Mentally.

My life scripture has always been Philippians 3:14... 

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

& that's what I'm doing coming out of the other side of COVID. I WILL PRESS ON till I get through this.  Only by the grace of God!

Thank you all for reaching out to me with messages & cards & gifts & PRAYERS - ALL THE PRAYERS! I truly leaned into them & felt that was what has pushed me through so far!!! I missed my blogging family!  Please continue to lift them up for me. I know I still have a path ahead of me till I feel back to myself.  & please just pray that these vaccines will start working & for the day that COVID is behind us. I truly am so fearful of getting this again - I dont think I would survive it a 2nd time around if I ever got it again (Thank the Lord those odds are low now)  & I dont wish this on anyone.  

Let's all do our part to help the spread of COVID.

... now... where is that t-shirt?

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